I recently came across a social media post about polyamory that irked the fuck out of me, so here I am on another platform to complain about it. The post described what is apparently a well-known trope within the poly community whereby non-monogamous women tend to have a much easier time finding dates compared to men. The theory outlined is that dating a woman who is already in a relationship is seen as a symbol of high-status because you're the superior bull, and the other dude is the pathetic cuckold. The post blithely dismissed this type of thinking as an outcrop of “heteronormative stereotypes” and encouraged its audience to “transcend” above it.
This is the first of your essays which I do not resonate with.
I just don't intuit any significant connection between sexual partnering and status seeking.
As a poly person, I don't get any thrill out of the idea of my partner being sexual with some random other man; I'd likely feel some discomfort. But I can and do feel very good about my partner being intimate with a man whom I also love and care about (and who I know cares about me as well). I'm glad for both of them. This wasn't always easy, but today I have tremendous confidence in my partner's love and desire for me, and know that it is not reduced by her ability to share with select others.
Adding status competition to that equation would be like sand in the gears. For all of us.
I am not criticizing you, just observing our diversity.
This is the first of your essays which I do not resonate with.
I just don't intuit any significant connection between sexual partnering and status seeking.
As a poly person, I don't get any thrill out of the idea of my partner being sexual with some random other man; I'd likely feel some discomfort. But I can and do feel very good about my partner being intimate with a man whom I also love and care about (and who I know cares about me as well). I'm glad for both of them. This wasn't always easy, but today I have tremendous confidence in my partner's love and desire for me, and know that it is not reduced by her ability to share with select others.
Adding status competition to that equation would be like sand in the gears. For all of us.
I am not criticizing you, just observing our diversity.